It was me thinking of you
by julipenka
Summary: Just a little drabble about Rachel thinking of Puck


**It was me thinking of you**

She was sad. And angry… Screw it, she was furious. She was sad that Noah think so small about himself. Yeah, so what if she heard their talk with Beiste? She wanted to scream at him. He thinks he can't be loved? That everybody thinks so small about him? That nobody cared about him? She was first to admit he is talented musician. She is first to admit he has more potential than he gives credit himself. She was first to see him more than just dumb jock without heart. She was first to offer him friendship because she knew he needed it. Only to be pushed away… May be she mustn't give up like she did. But what she can do? He wanted to be loved but he doesn't want her. She just knows it.

When Rachel was upset about Finn sleeping with Santana she came to him. And he rejected her again. That was a noble move. But.. that shows her he didn't like her more than Quinn. And she came second again. For her it was too much. And even after that she came to him asking about duet with lame excuse to make Finn jealous. Well, just think about it clearly. If she wanted to have Finn again will she have it by making him jealous with Noah's help? When to Finn he was the reason to break up with Rachel because it was him? She is not that blind. She is actually smart. That was her chance to have Noah just a little bit, to have him jealous. But then he made his stupid promise to Finn (yeah, she knows about it). And that was his third rejection. Third times the charm, that's was they say?

So after than she returned to pining over Finn and he was going out with Lauren. She thought he deserved to be happy and she let it go. She was really touched when he was trying to get her over nose surgery. She was thinking, may be, he still care about her. Then she was in NYC decided that she can do it without getting together with Finn. And he just screwed it by helping Finn with all that romantic date. Well if he so wanted her to be with him so she'd went for it.

After Shelby's returning she was in the darkest place. And seeing Beth so beautiful with Quinn's eyes and his cute smile not helping at all. She knew he slept with her mother even before Quinn admitted it to her. And that's why she was so sad and angry and furious. She wanted to scream that she wanted to be on Shelby's place but she has no right. She wanted to think, may be, he imagined her while being with Shelby. But it hurts so much she refused. She was even more angry when she discovered he's secretly hoping it'll be Finn to take her virginity (Finn can't have secrets from her!). So she gave it to her clueless boyfriend. It was nice. And she can't helped she wondered what it would be with Noah?

She shook her head. No, she can't go that road once again.

After Finn's proposal she waited. Waited for him coming to her and telling her she makes mistake. But it never comes. He just asked about baby's due and she lost her mind. Then she decided to try not cared about him anymore. She can't be his friend anymore because for her it will never be enough. She will always wanted more. And he always will push her away she sure of it.

May be that was so selfish but then again when she wasn't so egoistical? She was being herself.

She thought about him every day. Every time she caught herself dialing his number and she forced to drop cell after first ring. He never called back. May be if he was she stopped to fighting with herself and let her be for him. But his silence tell her it's not her place. Never was and never will. That may be their attraction only was built in her head. And that's why she never went for him. She stayed with Finn hoping his love will help that huge hole in her heart to heal. She knows it's not fair to Finn when she was so broken after his best friend. After her almost lover…

She sat in the Temple praying for him. Praying for his happiness. Even if she is not with him she can't stop thinking about him. She hopes he'll find his way and he'll make his life great. She hopes he'll find girl who will love him with all her heart like she could but scared. And she's praying for peace to herself. May be she can have it. But not now.

A/N Sorry for any mistakes. It was my first story on English.


End file.
